"Let me start here and be completely honest. I’m feeling a lot of frustration, anger, sadness, and confusion. I try so hard to hide a part of myself that I have to come clean and confess what I have struggled with for most of my life. I am terrified of not being accepted, not being enough, and especially not belonging!
Growing up, I tried really hard to fit in thinking that I always had to strive to be the best, be successful, be perfect. I wanted to show how the world would be a better place with me in it, how much I could give to this world, and how I could live up to its standards and exceed its expectations. However, it never mattered how hard I tried or how good my efforts at trying to fit in were because I would never be that perfect person the world wanted me to be.
When I was 15, I decided to go against the norm of Iranian society and follow the unconventional path of believing in Jesus Christ! After constantly rereading Romans 12:2, I learned how to not belong and how living for the perfection of this world is the last thing I wanted to be part of. I learned how my desire for belonging to this world was pulling me back and how it would stop me from a new life in Christ. Let’s be honest. We are all creatures of habit and I could never go further in life if I stayed in my comfort zone and followed my old habits of trying to fit in. How could I be the person I wanted to become without that growth? Wasn’t that the whole point of Jesus? To become more like Him? To not be conformed to this world and to be transformed by the renewing of our minds?
Today, I am writing this because I was reminded of the truth that I don’t belong in this world and that I must stop living for this world. If I belong, I wouldn’t have enough room for His Spirit to work with me. If I belong, all that would remain inside me is frustration, anger, sadness, and confusion. After trying to fit in so many times, I am reminded that I don’t belong and that it is okay. I was meant to belong to God and until that day, I need to practice how to not belong to anything here."